The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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