PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
