So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
