That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
