R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
