drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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