So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I can't trust your balls anymore.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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