dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
