Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I can't put those talents on a resume
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
