they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I understand Curling. That high.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
