I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
