What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
