I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
