Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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