Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Yo dont text me then not text me
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
