you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
