Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
