i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
