fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
