1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
