its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Found the puke drawer
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
