How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
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