So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
