Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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