Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
