She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
