If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
