eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize