Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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