I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
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