i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
