FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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