the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
