you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
