I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
