My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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