I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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