i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
