I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
