i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
