I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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