I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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