I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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