with your own penis?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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