Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
