So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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