You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
