Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
