super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
There's always time for handjobs
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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