we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize