WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She just used a chaser for red wine.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
