he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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