Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
