It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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