i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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