I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
